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1. Litter.
2. Eat meat with every meal,
especially from animals raised in and around rainforests. (See
my new book, 55 Yummy Snacks to Make with Steak.) Eating
high on the food chain reminds us we're a superior species.
3. Drive as much as possible
in an SUV or other vehicle that uses vast amounts of fuel --
or an old beater that leaks oil. Be sure to avoid regular maintenance
and emissions testing, as well as bike-riding, carpooling and
mass transportation. While you're at it, please drink and drive.
4. Dump gasoline, paint thinner
and other toxic substances down the drain. Glug, glug, glug.
5. Use disposable products which
have loads of neat packaging. Make sure the packaging includes
several different materials, such as plastic trays, foil wraps
and laminated cardboard dividers. Remember: a full landfill is
a happy landfill!
6. Run the air conditioners in
your house and car year round, and leave your windows open. Have
the nice repairman ventilate those icky CFCs or HCFCs into the
atmosphere. House too cold? Leave all the lights on to warm things
up.
7. Don't worry about what you
buy. Consumers like you and me have no right nor power to tell
big corporations what to do. What you buy makes no difference.
8. Don't vote, and by all means,
don't write letters criticizing the questionable environmental
voting records of government officials. It's un-American!
9. Use pesticides and fertilizers
on your lawn and garden. Support your local farmer in the increased
use of such chemicals. Composting? Ick!
10. Lobby for toxic waste dumps
and incinerators in your neighborhood. Also, push for more dumps
and dumping in lower-income areas and especially in third-world
countries. Encourage the export of dangerous, icky substances
out of our nice, clean country to other, dirty ones. (Say, did
you know there's oil under Alaska? Under the ocean? Under your
garage?!)
11. Don't waste your time learning
about these issues. Prevent them from infiltrating our schools,
homes and places of employment. Avoid donating time or money
to your choice of environmental groups. Who asked them to protect
us? Not me!
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